Best friends or fuck buddies: where do you draw the line?
Picture this. Your parents are out of town and you’re stuck alone at your place for the next two days. You invite your boy best friend to come over, and now you find yourselves lying next to each other on the couch, inside the living room.
For the first time in years, his presence feels awkward to you. You’re both sweaty and uneasy. The atmosphere reeks of pheromones. Both of you can’t even maintain steady eye contact. You get the signal that he’s into you, but you just don’t want to assume. You’re afraid to embarrass yourself. You’re afraid of rejection.
Both of you are dead quiet. So, an idea pops in. You play a movie to break the silence. But wait. Wrong move. You unconsciously played a romance film. Yikes! The actors on screen suddenly start making out — your best friend, struggling with confidence, then raises his arm and rests it on your right shoulder. Your neck feels so stiff, his touch feels different. It is firm, somewhat commanding, and territorial. Your cheeks blush from the gesture, so you give him a quick gaze. Your eyes meet. There’s tension. It is just like the movies. His melting stare is pulling you in. Then — BOOM — it happened!
His lips are now inches away from touching your lips. He gives you a cold smack. You’re left baffled, unsure of how to respond, caught in the moment, and confused. What will you do next?
A. Kiss him back?
B. Call him out.
Friendships with benefits are undeniably one of the most uncomfortable topics to talk about. To people who have done it, I’m pretty sure they’ve lived their lives with buried hatchets.
Nobody wants to run around the streets saying they’ve slept with their friend. It’s gross. Well, that’s what an average person would say. This simply shows that most people are not yet open to discuss this taboo concept.
However, in more liberated countries like the U.S, friends with benefits relationships are already becoming quite popular. This has been reported on a certain study wherein 60% of college students have at least had one FWB at some point in their lives.
But is it okay to sleep with a friend? People from my circle answered differently.
FRIENDS ARE SPACE SPACES
Vinxett, a Maths major, thinks that having a best friend means having a safe space, a personal haven of some sort. Besties, he explains, are people whom we feel most comfortable with, especially in our vulnerable moments. Romantic or intimate feelings should be out of the equation.
“I think best friends would never have the urge to have sex with one another if there’s no intimacy involved… they’re the people that you can count on when things go downhill. Fuck buddies? They’re just there to satisfy your sexual needs. They don’t need to connect with you mutually”, he adds.
Vinxett is one of those many people who are still skeptical of the idea of fuck buddies. How could you have sex with a person repeatedly and call it “no strings attached?”. It’s impossible. There must really be strings.
The very moment you concede to this kind of relationship, you’re also signing yourself up for a partnership that involves trust, connection, and permission.
You give your partner the authority to be one with you, to see you at your most vulnerable, to touch your nakedness, and be one with your wholeness– both body and soul. Eventually, you’d find yourself falling in love no matter how much you deny it. It’s impossible to engage in an FWB type of relationship without expecting it to snowball into something deeper. That’s way beyond the concept of friendship. That’s where we draw the line.
CHASTITY BEFORE MARRIAGE
From the point of view of a Christian, it is unnecessary to engage in friends-with-benefits types of relationships.
Jethro, a Theology major and currently studying to become a priest, says that real friends should guide you in living a life of chastity and celibacy. Not the other way around.
He confidently admits that he’s guilty of embracing this kind of life before, but it did not stop him from pursuing a life of righteousness. Everyone can repent from their sins and heed the call of a God-Centered existence.
Jethro now advocates against premarital sex. He says “we should think about it, before engaging in sex. Our chastity is probably the best gift we could offer to our chosen or rightful partner. There is no need for practice. The right time will come.”
Basically, for any Christian follower out there, chastity until marriage is the most practical scenario.
God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between a man and a woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife and that the “children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony”.
LGBTS WITH SMALLER DATING POOLS
As compared to heterosexual couples, people of the LGBT have smaller dating pools. This is the reason why FWBs type of relationships works better with them.
Chances are, gay people, have already dated their friends, or their friend’s exes, or any other common friend. This is quite common in gay communities as options are limited. The only way for them to access new partners is through dating apps like Blued or Grindr.
It is becoming a widely accepted concept for gay people to engage in lovemaking with their friends. But there is always a rule of thumb that they follow:
Not to engage in an FWB kind of partnership if they want to have a long-term relationship with a person.
MUTUAL AGREEMENTS
Writing this blog brings me back to my college days when I would usually date friends or engage in sexual encounters with peers, acquaintances, or classmates.
I admittedly have found comfort in a male friend. It was awkward at first, but as it happened repeatedly, it somehow became a mutual agreement. When one needs the other, one must give way to deliver pleasure.
There was no romance involved, just plain sexual needs. I was never, in any way, attracted to him. I even think he’s out of my league. My heart doesn’t skip a beat when we’re together. We go to the same classroom but act as if we don’t know each other. We don’t even talk. But it felt like we’re bound by some sort of unwritten contract.
It was when I realized that sex isn’t always about love and intimacy.
Sometimes, it’s just stress relief on days when you’re emotionally down or having a hard day in class. Nothing beyond that. That’s where I draw my line.
WHAT HAPPENS AFTER AN FWB RELATIONSHIP?
I honestly don’t know. There’s no definite answer because there are countless possibilities to FWB relationships. It’s like statistics and probabilities! You work with your values until you get your most desired outcome.
You could either remain as friends, move on, or even decide to date each other. Either way, you must know when and where to draw your line.
Many friendships have been destroyed because of this kind of partnership, but many have also bloomed into beautiful ones. I personally know a lot of couples who started out as friends. And they’re the ones with the strongest bonds because the foundations of their relationship are a healthy combination of love and sex.
Whatever you choose, you should always consider the kind of future you want to live in and work hard for it.
So, I ask you again. Where do you draw the line?
Do you…
A. Kiss him back?
B. Call him out.
